I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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