In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
