I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
