still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
