my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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