my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
