I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
