took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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