she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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