Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
