I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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