Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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