last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You're a waste of cheezeits
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Randomize
