.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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