I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
