Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
