Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
