It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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