Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
