he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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