So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
