i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
