why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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