well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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