She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
