he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
