What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
