What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
