If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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