I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
