I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
