You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
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The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
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I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time