Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
