Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
