U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
