is wine microwaveable?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
