Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
