She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
