How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
