I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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