it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.