oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
why do cheetos always look like penises
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch