How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?