Those balls look pretty dangerous.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
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I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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