walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
