Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize