my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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