and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
