I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
