well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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