She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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