We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
