sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
