I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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