i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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