theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
