i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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