Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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