thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night