It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
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My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
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It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.