Texts From Last Night

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  (714): View more from California

  im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF

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  (714): im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF http://tfl.nu/bxu6
  Replies (12) Good night (2327) Bad night (634)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.

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  (281): Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's. http://tfl.nu/ot6m
  Replies (137) Good night (7054) Bad night (5596)
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  (631): View more from New York

  I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.

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  (631): I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus. http://tfl.nu/dneq
  Replies (8) Good night (1136) Bad night (3060)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.

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  (630): Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus. http://tfl.nu/ls1i
  Replies (4) Good night (1961) Bad night (1138)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?

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  (763): how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea? http://tfl.nu/6syz
  Replies (12) Good night (2797) Bad night (920)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl

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  (573): the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl http://tfl.nu/glhm
  Replies (8) Good night (1488) Bad night (2608)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.

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  (248): I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right. http://tfl.nu/unzg
  Replies (10) Good night (1624) Bad night (787)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.

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  (609): I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE. http://tfl.nu/xv21
  Replies (3) Good night (1065) Bad night (527)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian

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  (901): He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian http://tfl.nu/6if3
  Replies (2) Good night (1962) Bad night (468)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.

  (360): View more from Washington

  1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you

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  (206): You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits. (360): 1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you http://tfl.nu/1254
  Replies (9) Good night (2453) Bad night (465)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night

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  (440): Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night http://tfl.nu/buf5
  Replies (2) Good night (782) Bad night (302)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that

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  (306): well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that http://tfl.nu/qqt3
  Replies (4) Good night (357) Bad night (710)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects

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  (425): You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects http://tfl.nu/xrwr
  Replies (0) Good night (640) Bad night (276)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts

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  (610): Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts http://tfl.nu/c7v2
  Replies (0) Good night (475) Bad night (322)
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one

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  (865): I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one http://tfl.nu/oyli
  Replies (7) Good night (427) Bad night (1134)

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