So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
