She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.