somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
