I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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