Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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