I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
soo... how was my night?
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