I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
