I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
