I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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