well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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