i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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