girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
