So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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