i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
