Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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