how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
