My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
